Sacred Sex - Thystance

Driven by a pursuit of fulfilment, my search for significance and a thirst for intimacy, I once led a life of destructive hedonism. Fuelled by childhood molestation, drug abuse, alcohol dependency and a reckless propensity for adventure, I repeatedly found myself engaging in sexual connection rooted in dysfunction. I didn’t think twice about sleeping with someone that I had only just met – guys I didn’t even know the surnames of. Sexual experimentation was standard for me. Cheating on partners came with the territory. One night stands and holiday flings were common occurrences. Heartache, confusion, selfishness and manipulation were part and parcel of my relationships. All the while I thought I was in control. Egged on by Hollywood RomComs, popular music and the highly sexualised culture around me, I simply assumed that my deeply distorted perspective of love, sex, desire and intimacy was normal behaviour.

my body was mine to do as I pleased and I could have sex with whoever I wanted, however I wanted, whenever I wanted. How wrong I was

After all, these were the ideals promoted in society, right? As far as I understood, sex and connection were there to be enjoyed. Whether that was in a meaningful, committed context or in an impersonal, purely physical scenario; my body was mine to do as I pleased and I could have sex with whoever I wanted, however I wanted, whenever I wanted. How wrong I was.
After years of dysfunction and almost destroying my life, I finally came to recognise just how very deceived I had been. Contrary to the notion that sex could be casual, my cheap thrills had in fact cost me everything…my heart, my self-worth, my relationships, my health, my money, my emotional and physical well-being. The repercussions were endless. I was so desperate for a way out from this poisonous life cycle of debauchery…a life that I had once deemed so alluring and fun. Even when it felt like fun, the truth was that it was an existence of emptiness. A massive internal insatiable gaping hole that I had tried to fill with sex, drugs, pleasure seeking and people pleasing. Yet empty I had remained. Broken and unfulfilled. Searching for love in all the wrong places. And now, desperately seeking a way out.
It was God who rescued me. Initially I hated having to surrender my so called freedom. Kicking, screaming and often resisting, I reluctantly allowed Him to enter my messed up world.

Restoration that could pierce the very root of my brokenness, to expose and evict the soul wounds that had long driven my life of recklessness, was now knocking at the door of my heart

Still ruthlessly addicted to my dysfunctional life patterns. Still leaning heavily on the vices that I had permitted for so many years to be the temporary band-aid for my inner brokenness; my fractured heart. Yet true healing now beckoned. Restoration that could pierce the very root of my brokenness, to expose and evict the soul wounds that had long driven my life of recklessness, was now knocking at the door of my heart. Ding dong.
A life of true fulfilment, love and liberty was on the horizon and slowly but surely, moment by moment, day by day, year by year, my habitual pursuit of instant gratification and counterfeit intimacy was replaced by unshakeable peace, soul harmony, immeasurable joy and unconditional love. No longer did I require drugs, alcohol, guys or sex to make me feel valuable. No longer did the pull of hedonism, relational validation, sexual connection or fleeting excitement have a hold on me. Because ultimately in saying Yes to God, I had unknowingly embarked on an eternal love affair with the Creator of love itself. And as we travelled the road of delicious intimacy together, my desires slowly found themselves being rewired away from the counterfeit connections that I had once pursued – and instead, drawing towards the very author of intimacy.
What followed was the most beautiful journey of my life. A daily unveiling of a love so divine, so beautiful, so rich, so fulfilling and intoxicating – that I wondered how I could have spent all those years looking for love in so many wrong places. Why did I look for intimacy in sex, pleasure, drugs, status and adventure? Why did my pursuit of connection lead to so many reckless decisions? Why was my understanding of sexuality so distorted? In fact why was society as a whole, so jacked up when it came to matters of sexuality, intimacy and love?

God I believe, has powerfully engineered and divinely orchestrated the gift of sex, for us to celebrate and enjoy within the context of honouring, covenantally binding love and loyalty, where connection that spans the body, soul and spirit can blossom, evolve and deepen over a life time together

I have come to believe that this is because in our humanity, we are deeply flawed and fragile. We are living in a intensely, dysfunctional world, where the majority of people – myself once included, are navigating through our innate God-given thirst for desire, love and intimacy – without allowing God who is the very author of intimacy and sexuality, to lead us. We are failing to follow God’s blueprint for it and as a result, sexuality is violated, understanding of sex is distorted and connection is often dysfunctional.
Yet it was never meant to be this way. The truth I believe, is that we have been lovingly created as sexual beings by a good God. He has designed sexuality as a fundamental part of our very identity and something He wholeheartedly wants us to embrace and thrive in. God I believe, has powerfully engineered and divinely orchestrated the gift of sex, for us to celebrate and enjoy within the context of honouring, covenantally binding love and loyalty, where connection that spans the body, soul and spirit can blossom, evolve and deepen over a life time together. This, I’m convinced is the only way that sex can truly be enjoyed. Outside of God’s perfect framework for sexuality and intimacy, we simply are unable to experience the depth of freedom, love, connection and fulfilment that we were lovingly created for.

I was completely uninformed that my sexually liberating lifestyle was in fact robbing me of the highest, most fulfilling kind of connection I could ever imagine

Yet you see, back in the day, when I was bumping and grinding away in my ignorant bubble of promiscuity I had no idea that sex was so deeply precious and worthy of stewarding with honour, loyalty and dignity! I was completely uninformed that my sexually liberating lifestyle was in fact robbing me of the highest, most fulfilling kind of connection I could ever imagine! I hadn’t realised that all along I’d actually been settling for an illicit, fake, dysfunctional and poisonous version of an indescribable, irresistible love – that so very supreme, if only I was willing to wait for it.
This is why I wrote the book, Sacred Sexuality – Rewire Your Desire Towards True Intimacy. You see, I want everyone to know about this beautiful, supreme, incomparable love that I believe each and every human being has been created for! Whether you are a believer in God or you have never lived a life of faith, whether you are single, married, a parent, a teacher or a priest…whoever you may be, whatever your sexual status may be, you have been created for perfect love!
In the book I share my own journey of having experienced this incredible love after walking through years of sexual dysfunction and unhealthy intimacy. I endeavour to help people understand what the Bible teaches about sexuality and how to enjoy sexuality so that it’s not dysfunctional, damaging or unfulfilling. I am real and raw about the complex sexual issues and sexual brokenness that we face as individuals and as a society, when we fail to follow God’s blueprint for intimacy and sexuality.
Above all, I seek to address the desperate need for us as relational beings, who have been divinely wired for connection, to reject counterfeit intimacy of every kind, so that we can all experience and enjoy the highest kind of love that could ever exist…a love which is wild beyond wild…pleasurable beyond belief…it’s the stuff our sweetest dreams are made of…and guess what?…it’s there for the taking…for each and every one of us.