Faith, Belief, Hope, Conviction, Confidence, Expectation, Reliance, and Dependence
I was raised practising a different religion until the age of 8 or 9. When I was really young I was sexually abused. Not to mention figuring out family dynamics, trying to find my feet in my identity, and other challenges that many people face on a daily basis. But for me these things didn’t lead me away from God they actually drew me closer to Him. My Hope was in Him. I had no plan B, He was it for me. So, I had to place all my Hope in Who He is.
Although it wasn’t easy, I had to make a choice every day to trust God with my inner thoughts and the more I made this choice the easier it became. It took me a while because I would think why God? Why would you want to know my inner being, it is so messy. But when I understood that He sees into the very core of me and yet He still chooses ME. That changed the way I saw myself, and the way I interacted with God. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to learn to do. Because unlike those around me God had never let me down, He had always had my back and He was very patient with me especially when I was not.
I was afraid of what I saw in the dark areas of myself, the areas i thought no one could love
I was afraid of what I saw in the dark areas of myself. The areas I thought no one could love. Yes, I had areas within myself I never wanted to show anyone because I was afraid that if anyone saw what I saw they wouldn’t love me. I viewed God with the same lens. The same God who regardless of my shortcomings, sent His Son to make sure I had a relationship with Him. And once I allowed God into those areas, I started to see that no matter what He saw He still loved me. And no matter how much of myself I showed to Him, He continued to love me. The more His love shone into my dark areas the less power those dark areas had over me.
Trust is something that someone places in you. They choose to take something they cannot see yet they know the weight of it, and they entrust it to another person. They give them something that, although it cannot be seen, once broken wields a world of hurt.
Isn’t it funny that something that is unseen can be easily broken by someone we can see? Yet, trust – the unseen – is never broken by the One who is unseen. God. God in all His glory, His mercy and His grace will never take something we have placed in Him – our trust – and misuse it.
If trust means faith, hope, dependence, reliance, then why, why are we so ready to take something that holds so much weight and give it so freely to those who will surely let us down. But when it comes to God we are more cautious in trusting Him. We make Him earn our trust in a way that we would never make those around us work and yet He proves faithful every time.
Parts of myself i was ashamed to show the world because it was so broken
I know my past, I know my failures and sometimes I look at that and it can get overwhelming. But God wants me to allow Him into the areas of my life that I don’t show the world. Or should I say the parts I was ashamed to show the world because it was so broken. God has taken my broken, my ugly and my worst parts and He has turned it into something that can bring glory to Him.
I am learning to, here’s that word again, TRUST Him. I have been through many things but one thing through it all is that God is real, He is consistent and He never leaves us no matter what. I also have Faith, faith that what He says He will do, He does.
The journey I have been on, has been unique to me, just like your journey is unique to you. But if I could leave you with one thought it is this: Trusting God is well and truly worth it, He really does Care about having a real, authentic relationship grounded in love and Trust!!