Recently, I have been thinking about what love really is. I remember ‘falling in love’ for the first time when I was 19 and at university. He was charming and a few months turned into years of an “on again off again” relationship until we broke up.

I realised afterwards that I was dealing with an identity crisis and didn’t value myself. He also had struggles of his own so together we stood at a standstill; neither growing or progressing.

The funny thing is I was always concerned about what he could do for me, not what i could do for him. I didn’t consider how I could become a better person.

Fast forward a few years later when I started dating my now boyfriend. Yes he is charming, yes he is handsome, but in comparison to my ex he was completely different. He knew who he was, had big dreams, and being around him awakened an even stronger desire to fulfil mine.

I had been so hurt from my previous relationship that I didn’t want to make the mistake of needing validation from my new partner. When life wasn’t going great, I avoided running to him for comfort and instead looked to God to help me. I believe that the more you allow someone into your life the more they have the power to hurt you. Why? Because you are trusting them by giving them a part of yourself. The opposite is also true, by allowing someone – the right person – in, you are also putting yourself in a position for God to bring healing to you through that person. It’s however an illusion to think that once that person comes into our lives, they will bring healing to everything that’s wrong in us, No one can live up to that, but God will sometimes use the people around us to bring healing to some of our past hurts.

Being with my boyfriend has taught me that love is not just the words we say, love is action, sacrifice, putting the other person’s needs before your own and also not having unrealistic expectations. I also learnt that of all the things I want my man to do for me, am I willing to do the same? Am I willing to change to become a better person? Am I willing to listen to understand rather than listen to wait for the opportunity to have my say?

Love in its entirety Gives …  It gives with the right motives. You know you really love someone when you want the best for them and you put their needs before your own.

There have been hard seasons in our relationship, equally there have also been seasons that were so beautiful, they made me thank God for bringing my boyfriend into my life. The point is you cant really love without giving. Giving requires so much of us that if we have been hurt before, we might be reluctant to give. Its something we have to learn to do again, once we get into a relationship. But when you give as God gave it will never be for nothing. And at times you will find that when you give you get more back, which in turn grows you as a person.

When you also love through the difficult seasons and learn how to be with each other through summer, winter, spring and autumn, a deep kind of love develops; a love that is genuine and doesn’t change when the seasons change, but remains consistent and grows through the tough times. A love that is truly worth it.

Instagram: @siphobayeto           Twitter: @savingscarlettt